Out of the Fox Hole, Into the Wolf's Den
by Wynter Spite
Summary: Haley and Mary have somehow found themselves dropped in the past, which is just fudgin' perfect, because they hadn't done enough already. However, it isn't long before they run into some very familiar faces, some of which are just too adorable as children, but the sisters aren't really known for not interfering, anyway.


**Disclaimer: We don't own Naruto. And there's no need to thank your respective deities for that! *Huffs.***

 **Title: Out of the Fox Hole, Into the Wolf's Den**

 **Rated: M, mainly for language**

 **By: Wynter Spite**

 **Hello! So, if you haven't read Down the Fox Hole, you should go do it, otherwise this won't make much sense. G'won, you know you want to!**

* * *

 _ **Now**_

* * *

"Where did you come from? And what reason do you have for associating with Uzumaki Naruto?"

"Would you believe I'm a fucking time-traveler?"

* * *

 _ **Earlier**_

* * *

Haley cursed as she landed on the hard ground, immediately struggling to her feet, swearing in a voice higher than usual, "Shit, what the motherfucking-" She froze as her violet eyes landed on blue, curious and slightly suspicious, set in a young face-too young.

"Who're you?" Naruto asked, looking about nine or so.

Haley came back to herself, pulling herself up and scowling down at the kid, retorting,"Me? Who're you?"

"I asked first!" The bewhiskered child scowled back, folding his arms over his chest.

"Hmph. I guess I gotta answer, then." Haley drew herself up dramatically. "I . . . am Hidan! Bow down before me in awe of my immortal magnificence, mere mortal!"

Naruto stared at her. She could've sworn she heard crickets.

She pouted. "Fine. Don't bow down before me in awe, even though I totally Jashin-damn deserve it. So, what's your name, kid?"

"I'm Naruto. Where did you come from?" He suddenly scowled. "And I'm not a kid!"

"Fine, you're a splendid specimen of manhood." She ignored his question in favor of focusing on her poor, empty stomach, deprived of food for far too long. Like, five or six hours. "I'm fucking starving. How d'you feel 'bout gettin' some ramen?"

He brightened. "Really?" Then he looked suspicious. "Why?"

She stared at him blankly. "'Cuz I'm fucking hungry, that's why."

"But why d'you wanna get some with me?" he clarified with annoyance.

She shrugged. "I like some company sometimes. For some reason, I seem to scare people off a lot. We meet, and like, ten minutes later, they're runnin' out the door. I like the ones that forget to take their wallets," she added.

"Really?" Naruto looked curious. "Do you know why?"

"Nah. I dunno. Maybe it's my language. I fucking curse a lot when I talk about dismemberment and other fun hobbies of mine."

"You talk about dismemberment?" he asked, intrigued.

"Yeah. What d'you think?"

He thought about it, then concluded, "It's probably the cursing." He meant it in all seriousness.

"I knew it," Haley said triumphantly. "Now, how about that ramen, eh? You know any good places?"

Suspicion forgotten, Naruto cheered, "Yeah!"

"Lead the way, my young friend."

He eagerly did so.

Outside the ramen shop, Haley paused for a moment as a thought hit her. "Wonder where Mary is," she muttered.

"What?"

"Nothin'. Let's eat, eh?"

* * *

 _ **Elsewhere**_

* * *

Mary raised her fist and shook it at the sky as a sandstorm raged all around her, howling furiously, "Curse you, Haley! Curse yooouuuu!"

* * *

 ** _Konoha, Ichiraku Ramen_**

* * *

Haley sneezed. "Ugh." She sniffed. "Someone must be talking about me. I have this weird feeling that my sister is cursing my name."

"That is a weird feeling," Naruto agreed before pausing. "You have a sister?"

"Oh, yeah. Her name's Mary. Though she's also known as Kakuzu," Hidan added. "And she's not exactly female right now, so maybe that makes her my brother. But I know she'll always be a woman," she declared extravagantly, placing her fist on her chest, "in her heart!"

The young blond male was wide-eyed. "Your sister is a guy?"

"Yeah. But she used to be a woman. So did I."

"Wow! How?"

"I dunno. One day we just woke up and bam! We were men."

"Wow," he repeated, starry-eyed.

"Yeah. Life is strange, little buddy. I also used to be older. I was, what, twenty-three? Something like that." She grimaced. "Now I think I'm around sixteen."

"Huh. Weird."

"You said it, my man."

And that was how Haley made a friend immediately after she landed in the past.

That was also the reason she would then be escorted to the Hokage's office.

* * *

 _ **Now**_

* * *

The Third Lord Hokage stared at the silver-haired young man before him. Finally, he stated, "I would appreciate it if you wouldn't joke about this."

"It's not a fucking joke. I'm a Jashin-damn time-traveler."

Hiruzen was silent for a moment as he leaned back in his chair. Then, quietly, he said, "You expect me to believe that you're from the future?"

Hidan snorted. "Hell no, I don't expect it."

". . . assuming you are from the future, why would you go out of your way to buy Naruto dinner?"

"Because I know about his childhood and I don't like it," Hidan stated bluntly. "In the future, he will have a shitload of friends and the village will love him, but right now he's a kid in a village that pretty much hates him, except for a very, very few people, and he's fucking lonely."

The old man listened quietly. The young man seemed utterly sincere, not to mention he seemed to take a special delight in being completely blunt, whether you wanted him to be or not. He considered his options. ". . . very well. You may be allowed stay, so long as you have someone watching you."

Hidan gave the Third Hokage a grin. "Sweet."

"Indeed. Now . . ." Hiruzen leaned forward. ". . . tell me about this future of yours."

* * *

 **Out of the Fox Hole, Into the Wolf's Den**

* * *

 **Mary**

* * *

"Jashin-fucking-damn-soulless-shitbag-of-an-unholy-fuckhole-of-a-sister," Mary cursed. "Damn sand got in my eyes!"

Now, Mary wouldn't say she was high-strung, but . . .

"This is all Haley's fault!" she raged. "Fucker fucking KNOWS Jashin-sama has moods, 'Don't piss off the motherfucking vengeful god.' I told her, 'You'll make 'im unhappy and then he'll make US unhappier.' Fucker!"

Sand whipped more sand into the cloak she and Haley had gotten to replace their Akatsuki ones. She spit out the sand that had gotten into her mouth. "I hope you're happy, Haley!" she shouted. "I just hope you're Jashin-damn happy!"

Suddenly, her eye twitched. "Why . . . why do I get the fucking feeling that you _are_? Fuckerrrr!"

It took two more minutes of trudging through the storm, squinting and cursing, before Jashin took pity-oh, wait, sorry. Jashin doesn't have pity.

It took two minutes before something actually happened that wasn't actually sandy. Well, okay it was a little sandy.

Mary watched in awe as the aforementioned sand parted like the fucking Red Sea.

 _God?_

. . . nope, it was just Gaara.

She stared.

"What the fudge. You're so fudging cute, I don't even fudging fudge fudge-"

He stared back at her with black-lined pale green eyes, his young face impassive. "Who are you?"

"I, my young sandy Moses, am Mary, sister to Haley, brother to Haley, and fucking mother to Jashin-fucking-damn Haley," she said with a sneer at the thought of her prodigal burden.

"You appear to be male," Gaara observed. "Why are you a sister and a mother?"

Mary gave him a grave look. "Lemme tell ya, kid . . . some mysteries are too fucking confusing to solve. Seriously. Although . . . I would be willin' ta tell ya the damn story, if ya get me outta this fucking sandstorm."

She saw something flicker in his eyes, most likely thinking about whether to kill her or not.

"You're fucking cute, kid," she told him. She emphasized, "Fucking. Cute."

That got his attention. "Demons aren't cute."

"Fucking hell they are. Who told you that demons aren't cute? They're fucking liars." She paused. "Besides you don't have ta look like a demon to act like one. It's free will, man. Free will."

She saw him start to frown, just a little bit. "Free will?"

"Yeah, dude. Choices. Your own decisions. You think we humans got where we are today by bein' motherfuckin' puppets for the shitfaced gods? Hell to the fucking no. Free will, it's like . . ." She searched for the words. ". . . scars," she decided. "Everyone's got 'em."

"I don't," he said.

She gave him an exasperated look. "The fuck you do. They're just not visible." She studied him. "You, kid. You've got a shitload of 'em. Scratched around your fucking heart. Like damn chicken wire around a fucking haunted house."

His expression blanked. "They're killing me, I suppose."

Mary shook her head. "Nah, kid. They're protectin' ya. Keepin' ya safe 'til the day they can heal. Got me some of those," she added as an afterthought. "Guardin' me like a fucking insane guard dog. And they still haven't healed yet." She gave him a toothy grin. "Childhood like mine, you fucking take what you can fucking get. All in all, I grew up to be motherfucking perfect."

Gaara was silent for a moment. Then he said, "I'll take you to the village. But I want to hear your story."

She waved a hand. "Whatever ya want, kid. Oh, hey, wait, I got somethin' ta ask of ya first."

His green eyes narrowed.

She held out her hand. "Be my fucking friend."

Now they widened in shock. "You . . . you want me to be . . . your friend?"

"Hell yeah. You're fudging adorable," she declared. "And I love fudge and cute things. You know what that makes you?" She grinned at him. "Motherfucking perfect, too."

* * *

 **A/N**

 **Because you are all so damn beautiful, and you're loved like heaven and hell and purgatory, and all the places in-between.**

 **This is for you, beauties.**


End file.
